Archive for October, 2007

The Truth or Not the Truth

Monday, October 8th, 2007

The Truth or Not the Truth that is the Question…

It seems that these days you can’t believe even what the Doctor tells you!  That’s right the Royal Physician hath fibbed to the King!  Well I can not blame the actual physician for the fib, it was actually the Anesthesiologist.  The operation the Doc performed was a beauty,  the healing is going great, except for some stomach pains that just seem to stay with me all the time.  The problem comes from one of those people who think that their SH** DON’T STINK!  I’ll tell you what theirs SURE AS HECK DID!  It was so bad a spraying skunk smells like a fine French Perfume compared to theirs!  Well maybe theirs did too perhaps like Eau De TURD En La Toilette!! 
Here’s the deal…
I was scheduled for my surgery with the normal anestesia process.  The Anesthesiologist comes in to meet me as I await the dreded time of carving.  Well talk about arrogant, loud pompus, better than you person with a major chip on their shoulder, this was her in a nut shell! She was so loud and spoke over everyone else as if the weren’t even in the room.
Tells me everything is good to go and should be no problem.  SO the tension eases and I start to relax just a bit. BIG MISTAKE!!  I get wheeled into the OR only to find out that she now is going to anestatize me by Epidoral in my spine!  YOUCHY OUCHY OOOOOH DOES IT HURT!  I didn’t mind the first two or three attempts, but when it got up to the 9th to 12th times I had it!!  Well they decide to give me a little in the old Oxygen mix and before I knew it it was time for me to wakey wakey!  SO I start to come out of it only to find that I am in the old Crucifix stretch on the OR table.  Boy did that do a number on my right shoulder that got injured in a car accident in 2005.  Well next thing I remember I was in my room telling them I had to use the facilities and was getting a pain in my tummy from having to go.  SO they Scan my bladder and tell me that I have less than 50 CCs of fluid in there so I shouldn’t have to go.  I say well tell it to my tummy it hurts and I have to go.  So they help me from the bed to my “FEET” that I only feel pins and needles for,and proceed to waddle to the Bathroom, only to find out that I pulled a Hansel and Gretel the entire way.  So now they ask me if I can feel my parts and I say some of them, so they ask if I want to stay the night.  Of course I want to be home and say NO. In the meantime I have NO CLUE what they are asking or what is going on from the Medication after effects.  SO its cover up, change clothes and wheel me away bandaged belly, pain med pump and all.  SO we get to the van and now I have to stand up and get into the van——Yeah like that’s gonna happen!!  Well after 3 failed attempts it was call in the reenforcements!!  That’s right my darlings it took 2 security guards, 1 nurse and my wife to help hoist this buttocks up and steady it while I got out of the chair and into the van!!  Hourray its off to the old castle we go!!

We get home I manage to get in the house, get changed and settle into the guest room that my wife and daughter had setup for me.
Ah sleep what a glorious thing it is at that!!  SO I sleep away the majority of that day and into the next barring the trips to the bathroom.

Then it starts!!  The killer headaches, sweats and nausea hit anytime I go from a laying down position to upright.  As the day goes on the pain and all get worse and worse.  SO the wife calls the doctor and gets anti-nausea pills and that does absolutely nothing.  Then the next day it had gotten so bad it is off to the ER!!  DIAGNOSIS——SPINAL FLUID HEADACHES!  How you ask did this occur?  It seems that our most arrogant and pompous Anesthesiologist did it to me by puncturing the membrane in my spinal column on one of her attempts at the Epidural!!  SO heavy pain meds, LOTS and LOTS of Caffeine and 3 wasted days in the hospital the headaches ebb enough for me to go home!!  Yippee!  You see I was lucky that the caffeine worked, for if it didn’t, then they would have to give me a “Blood Patch Epidural”.  What is that you ask – – – well that is when they take your own blood and give you another Epidural so that it can scab over the hole in the membrane and seal the puncture.  Well here is the problem – it’s a Crap Shoot!!  They have to find the one that caused the problem, remember there were 12 attempts that we could count after the fact, who is to say which one caused the problem and there is always the chance that she could puncture the membrane again and then things would be worse!!  Yep it sure was a good thing that the Caffeine worked on this here King!!

Kings Edict: Don’t ever trust a pompous Anesthesiologist especially when they change the game plan!!